The Golden Rule is like a trusty map to be pulled
out when lost. It’s an action guideline: Do unto others as you would have
them do unto you. Yet, the Golden Rule does not take into account other
people’s perspective or how they are feeling. It only applies to what you would
want to have done to yourself.
Say you are an extremely touchy person hanging out with an
extremely non-physical person. You express yourself through hugs, shoulder
touches, and high-5’s while the other person dislikes being touched physically.
Is it a wise idea to start hugging them and giving them shoulder massages? Yes it
is – according to the Golden Rule. Since you would like to be hugged and have
your shoulders rubbed, you should hug and rub the other person. But this is
silly!!!
If you follow the Golden
Rule, you will not be taking the best course of action because you are not
taking into consideration the other person’s wants.
****Maybe on a general level like murdering and stealing the
old golden rule applies, but for regular everyday type of social interaction,
it does not.
Ok so what about the Platinum
Rule - Do unto others as they would like have done to them? This
rule is considerate of the other person because you would have to be aware of
their mental-emotional state in order to please them. Like how you act
differently with a quiet, conservative person than with a loud, jokester person
. But again, in regular everyday type of social interactions, this rule does
not hold up. This is because if I treated every person the way they wanted to
be treated I would be acting so fake. FAKE. There needs to be some personal
expression in my actions, not just catering to what others want. Think about
those people that just want to talk about themselves. If I tried to please
those people by endlessly putting up with their self-aggrandizement, then I’d
end up seething with repressed anger.
Hence there is need of a new guideline for commonplace
interactions. The golden has you acting in accordance with yourself while the
platinum rule has you acting in accordance with others. But both these Rules do
not stand by themselves. I feel the Middle
Guideline, one that I’m making up right now, is more applicable and
complete. It has two parts and goes like this:
Be unto
others as you would be unto yourself.
Would I want
to be around myself?
First off, screw doing. Doing implies a specific
right action. Do this, do that. No, screw doing. Rather – be – when you’re with
another person don’t concentrate on what you’re doing, concentrate on what type
of energy you are being. Be attentive, be relaxed, be engaged. Then just open
up to the situation and let the ‘doing’ come out of the ‘being’.
Next, the golden is gone. There’s just not enough
incentive. In this day and age, humans see themselves as separate entities with
no direct link. If we are separate entities with no direct link - why waste
energy doing to another when they might not do back to you? There needs to be a
re-phrasing. Hence, be unto others as you
would be unto yourself.
Ok Jared, I hear you, be unto others as you would be unto yourself. But what the hell
does that mean???
I’ll try to answer that right now, but first,
answer this question: Would you want to
be around yourself, right now? Like right now, if you were a different
person in the same room who was completely tuned into your mind state, would
that person want to be hanging out with you? For me, when I started asking
myself this question I found that why no, I would not want to be hanging out
with myself. I tend to always slightly critiquing thing because things are
never perfect. I have a habit of subtly gritting my teeth when people act
in ways that I don’t want them to act. My biggest personal habit I’m trying to
challenge is not caring too much about what other people think of me. So when I’m
catch myself acting in these manners I ask myself, do I want to hang out this
dude? When I honestly answer my question, I am then able to change.
What happens is that when I ask myself would I want to be around myself? I see
myself in an objective light. My perspective is now the perspective of someone
I am hanging out with. I see my thought patterns as if I was someone else, and
being someone else, I can objectively say whether I would want to hang out with
the person who owned those thought patterns (Me). Then it’s like OF COURSE, I
want to be around fun, relaxed, loving people. Let me be like those people. Let
me cultivate that energy.
So now, back to be unto others as you would be unto yourself. If you ask yourself, Would I want to be around myself, you’ll
intuitively know how you would want to be unto yourself. You see yourself in
this objective perspective. If you like what you see, if you would like to hang
out with that person, then go be that person around others. If they don’t dig
it, move on. Learn to let go of others opinion!!!
And if you wouldn’t like hanging out with
yourself, then do something about it. Try being the person you would want to
hang out with. Whenever I find myself in a mood where I wouldn’t want to hang out
with myself, I try to be that person who, despite being in a bad mood, makes
the best of something.
So the Middle Rule is all about awareness. Awareness
of your mental state by asking an objectifying question, then either carrying
that mental state on with others, or doing something to change it.
Then it’s about beingness. Being that person you
want to be.
2 comments:
I won't be able to thank you fully for the articles on your web-site. I know you'd put a lot of time and energy into all of them and hope you know how much I appreciate it. I hope I could do the same for someone else sometime.
Ahh, why thank you. I can tell that you mean that. I do put time and energy into what I write. I also try to write naturally, so just whatever comes to mind I try to write about.
But hey, You can do the same for someone else. It doesn't have to be writing. Just putting forth quality effort towards helping another person, even in regular every-day things (preparing food, cleaning, various social interactions), is just as important, hell, its even more important than the articles I write.
Thank you for your feedback :)
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