Tuesday, June 26, 2012

group dynamics

I feel like I’m only listening to them talk and they care not a damn about me, only that I listen to them. Also, I’m fucking sick of hearing about The Club. That is seriously all the talk about dammit. I feel angry that a couple of people hog the conversation telling their stories about their past experiences while the rest of the group members are mere observers to their self-absorbed conversation. I left because of this. I left because I do not have to be part of a group which does not engage me, care for my opinions - a group whose leaders only glance at me to see if I am listening to their story. I left because I like to be included in conversations. When I left I cast a vote: I do not like this group. I do not like being a part of it. To be fair, in general I don’t feel that I have to lead a group or even be at the core of a group. But this particular group really irritated me. They didn’t engage me or listen to what I had to say. I was a means to their ends – namely, they needed someone to pay attention to them. By paying attention to them, by one-sidedly listening, by consenting to their dominance, I gave them power over me. And that’s what it comes down to isn’t it? Power. I can’t stand to be in a group where I am submissive while other members dominate the group, its discussions, and its directions. By leaving I regain my own autonomy. It’s hard to leave a group too. No one likes leaving. I almost wonder why the other members of the group don’t leave but then I remember how I was so passive as well. It comes down to this: I don’t have control over others but I do have control over myself. I shape my own destiny. 

No comments: